Tuesday, October 19, 2010
7 am: Wake up on a leather couch in a strangers house. My neck is cramped. Sam, my CouchSurfing host, has gotten up and is in the shower. My cell phone rings, my friend Alisa. Nope, I cannot hang out today. No, do not go to Carrabba's tonight! I won't be working! Why? Didn't I tell you? I'm in San Francisco.
7:30 am: Dressing for the interview. I try on two different belts and two different shirts; I stick with the original large black belt with a silver buckle and my blue button-down. Not nervous.
9 am: Board the BART at Rockridge with intent to get off at 24th Mission. Finish my lemonade from breakfast. Anticipate a 30 minute ride and a 30 minute walk to the hospital.
9:20 am: The BART ride was quick and I am 1/4 done with the walk. I slow down; my shoes have leather soles and I do not want to wear them out. Florence! What a great weekend - leather markets, relics, and David. At an intersection I look to my right. Mountains! I see mountains! They HAVE mountains! I call my sister.
9:30 am: Arrive at the hospital. The interview is not until 10:30 - I should check out the area. Should I live next to the hospital? Why are there so many taquerias?
9:40 am: Evaluation - loud, cars, pee. Yes, need bathroom.
9:50 am: A bar. And it's open! And people are drinking. I'm business-casual carrying a padded notebook. Let's beeline for the bathroom.
9:55 am: My phone is not going to last the weekend. WOW I need to shave. How did I not notice that?
10:05 am: Walgreen's bathroom, let in by security. Shave shave shave AHHHH THREADS. Ask pharmacist for scissors. No threads how do I look why am I nervous this will be fun is that a crumb or a pimple?
10:15 am: Group interview - the other applicants are already sitting and waiting! Did I miss something? Knowledge bank - show up 10-15 minutes before interview, no more no less. They are wrong I am right. Hmmm I am the only one not from SF State. She's a freshman. Is 22 the new old? Did I miss something? No, I am right and they are...also right but less right for the job. Right? Right!
10:35 am: Still waiting. Is there lemon in my teeth? I brushed this morning. I have to pee again! WHERE AM I
12:30 pm: Carla? Biddie? I can't find my host's house so I figured I should call you. Yep, San Fran. Interview just finished! *dead line* *ring ring* Carla? Ah the downside of middle-of-nowhere Pennsylvania. Well, just don't move a centimeter while we talk! I thought you intentionally hung up on me because we haven't spoken in months...
11:30 pm: This rental car is hideously lime green. I hope the front door is unlocked. I want pizza. And animal crackers. And grapes. Work went well tonight! Best Monday yet at Carrabba's - take that you worthless, energy-draining, depression-instating alternate universe known as NJ suburbia! Ha!
11:32 pm: Cat hair all over this chair. Smells like pork in here EMAIL THERE'S AN EMAIL is that sweat? My hands are clammy. Anticipation, worry, jitters...and if the answer is no? That would be shameful and debilitYES HELL YEAH HELL YEAH HELL YEAH HELL YEAH HELL YEAH HELL YEAH HELL YEAH HELL YEAH HELL YEAH HELL YEAH pehgapoighapioghpaowiengpaowingpoawngpOWIEGNwpoiwnagpoinaewpgoINPEOINAWPOINipmaewogimag
I am moving to San Francisco in a few weeks. My internship at the San Francisco General Hospital's Emergency Department starts in mid-November. Now, to call those recruiters for a job...
Sunday, October 3, 2010
In 3rd grade, my teacher gave me a detention for staring out the window during class. That’s all I remember from the 3rd grade.
In college, I met this lawyer guy. I asked him if I should take time off before attending law school. I don’t remember much of anything I learned in college, but I remember the answer to this question: “Picture yourself in, let’s say, a contracts class in law school. Are you looking at the professor or are you staring out the window?”
I planned a trip to Europe the very next day.
When I graduated from college, I crammed 5 years of livin’ into 8 months of freedom. I knew that I wanted to go to law school, and I didn’t want to put it off, but I also didn’t want to spend 3 years and $100,000 to stare out the window.
So I took that advice to heart and dreamed like I was livin’ forever, and lived like I was dying tomorrow. I went to Europe. I led canoeing trips in the Everglades for delinquent kids. I danced at music festivals. I built homes for Hurricane Katrina victims and watched Barbara Streisand movies while couch surfing in Fairhope, Alabama. I dyed my hair purple. I lived out of my car. I hugged my dog.
And I didn’t stop there. How could I??? I had too many dreams!!! So I kept goin’ -- I traveled with my brother, with friends; hell, I traveled alone. I led a trail maintenance crew in Maine, I meditated in Sicily, I painted orange trees on an Italian organic farm and worked on a vineyard in the south of France. Shit I even slept on the floor of a cargo boat just so I could watch the sunset from Santorini.
And when law school orientation came around, I thought I was ready. Ready to be an adult. Ready to be serious. Ready to give back to a world that has given me so much joy.
And then I got to window dreamin’ again.
And I realized somethin’.
I DON’T HAVE TO CHOOSE. We don’t have to choose. I love the field of law, and I’m excited to have a career, but window dreamin’ is a part of who I am. And no matter how many times I, a teacher, or someone I know, tries to kick that from my system, it will always be a part of me.
And so I dreamed a new dream. And 3 years later I was standing on top of Katahdin.
Now that I’m back home, I’ve got commitments and responsibilities like everyone else---commitments towards my friends, family, job, and creditors---but I’m still me. I’m still the girl who painted orange trees and slept on the floor of a cargo boat. And while this may be a sign that I’m finally grown up, it doesn’t mean that I’m going to stop being me.
A month and a half after summiting “Big K”, I find myself on a plane headed to Florida on business. Starin’ out the window of aisle 18. Smiling. It’s time to dream a new dream.